Under the Influence
by Samh1212
Summary: Fear landscapes can be tricky things. Sometimes the things you fear the most can become the thing most sot after


Under the Influence

It was after midnight when we snuck into the Simulation Room. A cool breeze filtering in from the roof prickled the skin on the back of my neck and the blue lights cast an eerie glow on Tobias as I watched him prepare the needles."Are you ready?" He asked, handing me the antiseptic wipe to prepare my skin. I nodded my head, surely unable to hide my nervousness if I spoke. Turning my head to the side I cleaned my neck and took a deep breath. Tobias prepared his skin and handed me the second needle; the one meant for his own neck.

It was my need to be able to control the situation that brought us here. I had been unable to get past the humiliation I had felt after knowing Eric and the others had been through my fear landscape. I hated that they now possessed more information about the way I felt about Tobias than he did. It made me feel weak and stupid and no matter what I tried to do to forget it, I could not get past the humiliation. So by my request he brought me here and agreed to go under the simulation with me, the way I had done with him. I stuck the sharp point into Tobias' vein, pushing the level down quickly with my thumb. As I dropped my hand to my side, he did the same for me and the warmth began to spread through me quickly. "I'm right behind you," Tobias whispered into my ear as he pressed his chest against my back.

I closed my eyes for only a second and when I opened them, I found myself again in the in the field. Surrounded by browning grasses and rows and rows of grain, I felt my heart rate start to speed up. A sudden squawking overhead caused me to jump and my eyes flitted to the sky. Above me circled a horde of crows so large I could barely make out the blue of the sky between them. One squawked, and then the next and the next, the noise growing so sharp and so intensely loud I was forced to cover my ears with my hands. Then, as the first bird swooped down, something lightly brushed the hair from my shoulders. Turning around quickly, I nearly lost my balance when I took sight of Tobias behind me. In the brief moment of being overcome by my first fear, I had forgotten that I wasn't alone.

More crows began dipping down from their position in the sky, speeding by us flapping wings and brushing our faces with their feathers. When on took perch on my shoulder, digging in it's talons until a trickle of blood ran free, I let the first scream escape from my lips. Tobias wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. "Control it," he instructed, his voice low but steady. Calming. As more birds dug into my flesh and the pain started to seep through me, I remembered that I could in fact control the simulation. At least to a point. Stepping out of hold Tobias had me in, I lifted my face to the clouds above me. With each new crow that flew forward, talons raised, beak set to attack, I faced it head on. Swatting them off with arms, clawing at them until my fists came back at me bloody and full of feathers.

My arms were still swinging blindly into the air when at once I stopped making contact with bodies and instead struck against a hard, smooth surface. Inside the clear box, I opened my eyes and to see Tobias just inches away from me on the other side of the glass. He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a puff of breath that caused a cloud of steam to fog up the barrier between us. Cold water splashed against my thighs as I stood frozen, both by the temperature of the water and by the intensity of Tobias' stare. "Come on Tris," he urged. "You can do this."

Not taking my eyes off his face, I lifted my fist and started to pound methodically against the glass. One fist, then the next, over and over again. Tobias shifted his stance, moving toward the box slightly as the frigid water now lapped against my shoulders. "Do this," he mouthed as my breaths came closer and closer, my lungs tightening with panic. My skin tingled with pain, like a hundred thousand tiny knives penetrating my pores all at once the icy bath covered me, flooding my ears and rising up to tip of my nose. As I suck in my last hallow breath, I braced my hands against the top of the box and wedged my left foot in a corner behind me. With my right foot, I kicked forward fast and hard with no result. The voice inside my head urged me to inhale but I can't. My head is now completely covered. The tightening in my chest spreads, threatening to overcome my body and my motions and the rate at which my heart is beating slows. Tobias' figure swam before me as I continued to kick, spreading my arms wider apart over my head.

Finally, with what feels like my eightieth kick, a small crack formed in the glass. My thoughts were lost in my head as the absence of air threatens my consciousness. Continuing to move my foot forward and make contact with the glass, I allowed my eyes to close and somewhere behind me I heard a sharp groan and then my body is thrown forward, moving quickly as the water rushes around me before I make contact with the hard ground. "Breathe Tris," A deep voice called out from somewhere in the dark, and then all I can think is how nice it is to be warm again.

When I was able to move air in and out of my lungs again, I opened my eyes and find Tobias hovering above me. His brows are knitted together and there is a crease in his forehead that I have never seen before. The expression fixed on his face is totally new. Immediately I knew that my fear landscape has transformed. This was not the order that I had been through earlier in the day. I'm not sure if it is because I am more afraid of my dependence on Tobias then I was this morning, or if it is only heightened because he is here with me. "This isn't right," I say before I can stop myself and Tobias moves up and away from me.

I stood up and both my clothing and body are still dripping, soaked through with water. The room is now dark, only a small overhead light can been seen, casting shadows across the walls and the floors. Tobias turns to me again, silent and brooding and immediately I know what I have to do next.

Moving slowly but deliberately, I stalked my way across the floor until we are face to face, our mouths just inches apart. I reach one arm up and take hold of Tobias' neck, my fingers lingering in the fuzz of his closely cropped hair and pull his mouth to mine. He says nothing, but grips my waist with both hands and moves his body against mine as my mouth continues to assault his. With my blood pulsing through my veins at an alarming speed I shivered beneath my sodden clothes although I was no longer chilled.

Tobias runs his thumbs along the hem of my shirt, questioning me with his eyes and I nod my consent as he lifts it up and over my head, breaking the two of us apart, but just briefly. Nervousness starts to take hold of me as I realize this is the first time that I have allowed him to see me so completely; however the shudder that runs through him affects me in a way that I didn't know possible and edges the fear out of my mind.

Leaning down, Tobias brushed another kiss to the corner of my lips, creeping his way slowly down the corner of my jaw until his mouth touched the tip of my ear. "This," he whispered raggedly. "This is what you're afraid of?"

"Yes," I answered softly, taking a step back. "And there is no way I can overcome it in the real world without facing it here first."

Following my movement, Tobias stepped forward and took my face in his hands, lifting until I was looking directly into his eyes. "Then tell me Tris," he said. "Tell me what you want me to do."

Knowing I would never be able to say the things that I had imagined in my mind, I thought I could do a better job of showing him. It seemed, at least recently that I appear to be better at expressing myself with my actions rather than my words. Taking Tobias' hands that still held on to the sides of my face, I guided them down my body, over my shoulders and the slight swell of my chest, slowing the pace, but only long enough to feel his breath catch suddenly in his chest.

Continuing down over the curve of my hips, I hooked his arms around me, securing his body to m in. While keeping the proximity between us nearly nonexistent, I pushed Tobias' chest back with my hands until his back was flush against the wall. At once, he scooped me up and reversed our positions. I was now the one with my back to wall. Without hesitancy, I locked my legs around his waist, but not before taking hold of the bottom of his shirt and pulling it eagerly up and over his head.

As I let my eyes linger over each smooth and sculpted inch of his skin, Tobias' mouth found mine again, but instead of sweeping over me soft and gently, he moved over my mouth, down my neck and across the hallows of my collar bone with a throbbing hunger. Moving my fingers down ever so slowly, I brushed across the base of neck, down further over each tattoo printed on his flesh and finally I made contact with the band on his pants. Staying along I the band, I glided the tips of my fingers around until I was grasping the clasp of his belt with both hands "Tris, what are you doing?" Tobias asked roughly, lifting his mouth from my chest. Ignoring his question, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and unhooked the clasp.

When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer wrapped around Tobias, my back pressed to the wall. Instead, I was back where we began standing in front of him in the Simulation Room. We were both fully dressed, and seemingly, no changes in our appearance had been made, however we were both breathing heavily.

"Well," Tobias said, taking my hand and leading me back out into the corridor. "That was interesting."


End file.
